u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
she was so not down for the gang bang
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
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they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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