You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
