When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
