We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
