I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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