Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
