So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just high enough for therapy.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
