just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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