At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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