my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
