Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
