Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
