i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
