all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
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so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
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I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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