If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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