I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
