I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
