He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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