I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Randomize
