Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
