It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
