You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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