I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Sorry about my life...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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