WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
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I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
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I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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