It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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