do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
