You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
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Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
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If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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