Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
this will be a night to untag.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
