Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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