I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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