Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
