What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
