I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
She announced her abortion via fbk
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
