I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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