After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize