He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
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Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
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He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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