I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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