This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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