And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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