walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
