well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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