White coat. Heels.
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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