I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
