I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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