News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
