Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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