i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
