Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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