Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
