Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Randomize
