So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
