If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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