I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
