Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
