Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
