White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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