South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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