it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
you will always have a special place in my vag
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
