Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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