I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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