I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
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He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
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Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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