I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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