My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
