Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
