Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
