Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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