I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
