ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
